falteringly | [ic contact]

[ dean just nods. it's not hard to remember what it was like to be new in this place, how long the adjusting really took. ]

Make any friends. Except for Spike-- heard all about that. [ eying so hard ]

[ He's going to carefully avoid that question by not answering it and asking another. ]

And what have you heard exactly?

[ that you didn't run from him. but there's no point being angry about it, is there. it's in the past and if cas has other friends he doesn't feel the urge to run from without a word then... good, right?

right. ]

Nothing. Just that you met him. Guy's kinda weird-- has that stupid accent.

It's inevitable that I meet people, Dean. [ His tone implies a bit of exasperation, and honestly, he doesn't know why he's bring it up. Is it because he's a vampire? Castiel gives him a longer look, quickly dismissing the notion. That isn't what this is about. ] He's polite and has helped me on numerous occasions.

[ What have you done for him? Why does he have to explain this??? ]

[ cue brow raise. ]

Helped you how?

[ DON'T GET ALL WEIRDLY ATTITUDE-Y WITH HIM CAS. ]

[ He hesitates, taking the opportunity to turn the corridor into another. Eyes focused straight ahead, his mouth thins excessively. ]

I don't think it's of import. [ Except he goes on to explain: ] But he did offer me clothes after the jump.

[ COMPLETLEY NON-THREATENING. ]

How nice of him. [ dean actually has very little if anything against spike. sure the dude's a vampire but so had he been, and he's never seen spike fuck up. not on the ship, anyway.

it's cas he-- no. dean just moves on, focus on the hallway and not his friend. ]

Sometimes you might some in the lockers, too. Or other stuff.

[ Yes, well. The irony of that is the fact nothing good came of it the first time, and Castiel sees the pattern in repeats. It's been a theme for a while now. ]

I don't wish to look inside it. Once was enough. [ Which is actually difficult to admit if the soft tone of his voice is any indication. ]

You can't be scared of a locker, Cas. [ it's equally soft. they can't be, no matter what's inside. ] That's giving the ship too much power.

I'm not afraid. [ Just wary. There's a difference. ] It already holds more than we could ever imagine, and I will not take what it offers me as consolation.

[ Because they're horrible, and he doesn't like them anyway. ]

[ stubborn. ]

Well, if it ever gives you anythin' nice and you're too busy bein' difficult, you know which room to drop it off at.

[ He stops in his not-counting of each step to regard him almost carefully. ]

Even if I... considered it, I don't think it's possible.

[ Because it's not like he hasn't been by that room a thousand times, and because it's not like he knows he can't actually enter it or anything either. Nope!!!! ]

What do you mean?

[ don't be so vague bro he'd let you in ]

I'm uncertain where your opinion of me lies.

[ And other things, but let's just have an honest party up in here. ]

[ dean stops at that, turns to look at cas. he's not-- actually, he's not entirely sure himself. he has such mixed feelings, everywhere from you're my best friend no matter what to i still can't trust you, i don't think i ever can -- to things he has no idea how to put into words.

even the simplest stuff is hard to say, so he sighs. ]

You know, half the time I don't what my opinion of you is either.

[ at least he's honest? ]

[ He's glad for it, the honesty. Castiel assumes he's not worth that much, not after everything he's done so far - in being dishonest - but it's something to know Dean feels that way. Still, he has to press a little more, a little harder. ]

But what is your opinion of me now?

[ In that moment? Are we friends? They can be allies without being friends, and he doesn't know if he can handle that much truth. Yet, he needs to know. ]

You saved Sam. You-- you're here. [ you don't avoid him as much anymore. it's nice. ]

I want to trust you, y'know. I kinda have to, here. We'll be in such deep shit if I don't. But... [ but it's not that easy. not after everything. ]

[ He'd never thought such a small word could cause so much insecurity. Castiel pauses, feels the entirety of him waver over it. What does he say? What should he say? ]

The circumstances aren't as they should be. [ Back home or here--is there really a difference now? ] I understand. [ Except he doesn't, but he says nothing beyond that. He starts walking again. ]

No, Cas-- [ dean steps after him, hand sliding to cas' arm. ] It's just none of this is simple, okay? You were here before-- and at the beginning? You were nuts. Just-- back to bumblebees and stuff, y'know? And after that, I don't know, it was a good thing if I got any signs of life from you. Ever.

Then back home...

[ everything is so complicated. cas had tried to kill him, and now he doesn't know if cas is alive back home or not anymore. ]

I want to trust you, man. I want things to be okay but it'll just take some time.

[ The touch to his arm stops him, but it's not as if he has anywhere else to go. ]

I can't anticipate what it is you need from me, Dean. This is the first time you've spoken of them, and I don't know how to explain what I don't remember. [ Which bothers him. You don't know how much. ] What happened back home?

[ Since he's addressed it, they might as well discuss it. ]

[ WHOOPS GON JUST FALL SILENT HERE ]

A lot. Look-- all I need is for you to be around, okay? No hiding.

[ no running away. ]

No hiding. [ It's not a real promise. ] Is that all?

[ He glances at Dean's hand to avoid eye contact. ]

[ WOW UH SHADY MUCH CAS??? dean looks at his friend for a long silent beat. ]

Somehow I feel like I should be asking for more. Should there be something?

[ IT'S NOT SHADY. He's wary of this entire conversation. Castiel stares at him then. ]

I don't know what else there is to give you. [ I don't know what you could possibly want. ]

How about you start trustin' me a little too, yeah?

[ or trying to, since they both seem to suck at that. ]

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