falteringly | [ic contact]

[ He hesitates, taking the opportunity to turn the corridor into another. Eyes focused straight ahead, his mouth thins excessively. ]

I don't think it's of import. [ Except he goes on to explain: ] But he did offer me clothes after the jump.

[ COMPLETLEY NON-THREATENING. ]

How nice of him. [ dean actually has very little if anything against spike. sure the dude's a vampire but so had he been, and he's never seen spike fuck up. not on the ship, anyway.

it's cas he-- no. dean just moves on, focus on the hallway and not his friend. ]

Sometimes you might some in the lockers, too. Or other stuff.

[ Yes, well. The irony of that is the fact nothing good came of it the first time, and Castiel sees the pattern in repeats. It's been a theme for a while now. ]

I don't wish to look inside it. Once was enough. [ Which is actually difficult to admit if the soft tone of his voice is any indication. ]

You can't be scared of a locker, Cas. [ it's equally soft. they can't be, no matter what's inside. ] That's giving the ship too much power.

I'm not afraid. [ Just wary. There's a difference. ] It already holds more than we could ever imagine, and I will not take what it offers me as consolation.

[ Because they're horrible, and he doesn't like them anyway. ]

[ stubborn. ]

Well, if it ever gives you anythin' nice and you're too busy bein' difficult, you know which room to drop it off at.

[ He stops in his not-counting of each step to regard him almost carefully. ]

Even if I... considered it, I don't think it's possible.

[ Because it's not like he hasn't been by that room a thousand times, and because it's not like he knows he can't actually enter it or anything either. Nope!!!! ]

What do you mean?

[ don't be so vague bro he'd let you in ]

I'm uncertain where your opinion of me lies.

[ And other things, but let's just have an honest party up in here. ]

[ dean stops at that, turns to look at cas. he's not-- actually, he's not entirely sure himself. he has such mixed feelings, everywhere from you're my best friend no matter what to i still can't trust you, i don't think i ever can -- to things he has no idea how to put into words.

even the simplest stuff is hard to say, so he sighs. ]

You know, half the time I don't what my opinion of you is either.

[ at least he's honest? ]

[ He's glad for it, the honesty. Castiel assumes he's not worth that much, not after everything he's done so far - in being dishonest - but it's something to know Dean feels that way. Still, he has to press a little more, a little harder. ]

But what is your opinion of me now?

[ In that moment? Are we friends? They can be allies without being friends, and he doesn't know if he can handle that much truth. Yet, he needs to know. ]

You saved Sam. You-- you're here. [ you don't avoid him as much anymore. it's nice. ]

I want to trust you, y'know. I kinda have to, here. We'll be in such deep shit if I don't. But... [ but it's not that easy. not after everything. ]

[ He'd never thought such a small word could cause so much insecurity. Castiel pauses, feels the entirety of him waver over it. What does he say? What should he say? ]

The circumstances aren't as they should be. [ Back home or here--is there really a difference now? ] I understand. [ Except he doesn't, but he says nothing beyond that. He starts walking again. ]

No, Cas-- [ dean steps after him, hand sliding to cas' arm. ] It's just none of this is simple, okay? You were here before-- and at the beginning? You were nuts. Just-- back to bumblebees and stuff, y'know? And after that, I don't know, it was a good thing if I got any signs of life from you. Ever.

Then back home...

[ everything is so complicated. cas had tried to kill him, and now he doesn't know if cas is alive back home or not anymore. ]

I want to trust you, man. I want things to be okay but it'll just take some time.

[ The touch to his arm stops him, but it's not as if he has anywhere else to go. ]

I can't anticipate what it is you need from me, Dean. This is the first time you've spoken of them, and I don't know how to explain what I don't remember. [ Which bothers him. You don't know how much. ] What happened back home?

[ Since he's addressed it, they might as well discuss it. ]

[ WHOOPS GON JUST FALL SILENT HERE ]

A lot. Look-- all I need is for you to be around, okay? No hiding.

[ no running away. ]

No hiding. [ It's not a real promise. ] Is that all?

[ He glances at Dean's hand to avoid eye contact. ]

[ WOW UH SHADY MUCH CAS??? dean looks at his friend for a long silent beat. ]

Somehow I feel like I should be asking for more. Should there be something?

[ IT'S NOT SHADY. He's wary of this entire conversation. Castiel stares at him then. ]

I don't know what else there is to give you. [ I don't know what you could possibly want. ]

How about you start trustin' me a little too, yeah?

[ or trying to, since they both seem to suck at that. ]

I do trust you.

[ It's that he can't trust himself, but that's for another time entirely. Castiel doesn't break Dean's gaze as he says it, as earnest as he can be with such powerful words. ]

[ there's that pure honesty which dean remembers from cas from a time long gone. maybe some things don't really ever change but at the same time he has a hard time believing it. ]

Okay. Then... If something comes up, you come to me, okay? No matter what it is.

All right. But I would ask that you do the same in return.

[ Even if he thinks he's could do nothing to help, even if he might soon be powerless. Those are his terms. ]

[ a nod. ]

Yeah, you got it. [ he'll try his best, and if cas does the same then maybe... maybe they can be as they used to. ]

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